Yesterday was supposed to be a study date. I’d hurt my shoulder and couldn’t go to MMA, and we both wanted to see each other, so I went to her place. We studied for about two hours, cooked together, and watched the original Star Wars trilogy. It was an easy day with someone I really like.
We’re both 18 and in our first year of college. Since meeting at the end of September, we’ve gone on plenty of dates and spent a lot of time together. She’s funny, goofy, kind, and the first girl I’ve connected with this way.
After the movies, we were cuddling and talking when I asked about physical intimacy. She told me she imagined waiting three months to kiss, a year to officially become boyfriend and girlfriend, and until marriage to have sex.
I hadn’t expected that. We’d been cuddling for weeks, had four sleepovers, and regularly told each other how much we liked each other. None of that meant she owed me anything. I just hadn’t understood what she pictured happening next.
When I asked about the timelines, she said she wasn’t really sure. She wanted the right moment and wanted to trust me fully. This would be her first relationship, and everything is new to her. She started crying a little and apologizing for being the way she is.
I comforted her and told her I respected her boundaries. In my previous relationship, I was pressured into sex more than once. I know what that feels like, and I don’t want her to feel pushed into anything with me.
I’ve only had that one relationship myself. I’m still figuring this out, too. But I do know that I want a sexual relationship with a romantic partner, and that physical intimacy matters to how I build closeness.
I could imagine waiting two or three years. I don’t think I want to wait until marriage to find out whether we’re sexually compatible. Being attracted to her doesn’t make that her problem to solve, but I can’t pretend the difference doesn’t matter to me.
I really want to keep seeing her. After a day that felt so comfortable, I’m left wondering whether we want the same relationship.
