For 10 years, I believed my husband had graduated from a prestigious university. He told me he’d transferred there from community college and completed one of its competitive programs. It was part of his history, something I had no reason to question.
He recently admitted that he never attended that university. He doesn’t have an associate degree, either.
What actually happened is straightforward: while he was attending community college, he landed a well-paying job and chose to pursue it instead of finishing school. He did well financially early in his career. I would never have had a problem with that decision. There was a perfectly reasonable story available, and he gave me a different one.
I’m 31 now, and he’s 37. We’ve spent a decade together. I’m struggling to take in how long he let me believe this.
He’s also been unemployed for six years, since COVID. During that time, he’s focused on personal projects he believes will eventually make him wealthy. I’ve repeatedly told him how frustrated I am that he won’t look for conventional work. Friends and family have offered professional help, and he’s brushed them off.
Now he says he avoided those offers because he was afraid someone would discover the truth about his education. He thought exposing the lie would end our relationship.
We have continued contributing equally to our expenses. He supported his share by refinancing his house and eventually selling it. But that money is almost gone. I’m looking back at all those conversations about employment, knowing there was a whole explanation he kept from me while his options narrowed.
He says he feels free now. With the truth finally out, he says he can seriously pursue a job. I hear the relief in that explanation, but I’m still trying to absorb what he’s told me.
He has been a loving, supportive partner in many ways. Those qualities are real, and so is this deception. I don’t know whether I can move past it. Would I be ending a good marriage over a lie about school, or finally acknowledging how much of our marriage that lie has reached?
