I bought a bag of freeze-dried beef-liver treats before my date because her poodle, Katie, was coming along. The plan was simple: save them for the end of our walk and let Katie have her little moment. I was, after all, hoping to make a good impression on both members…
One First Night, Two Different Meanings
A first night together can become a story two people remember differently—not because one of them must be lying, but because a single moment can hold more than one truth. In the account, a 22-year-old woman and her 26-year-old boyfriend had been together for five months. Their first sleepover came…
Ten Years Married, and Suddenly She Wants Me Again
We have been married for about ten years and have two children. Until recently, our sex life was quiet enough that calling it a rhythm would have been generous. Months could pass between one occasion and the next. There was no danger of losing count. I had begun to feel…
When Sexual Compatibility Becomes a Breaking Point
Sexual compatibility is often treated as a bonus: lovely when it’s there, secondary to the supposedly sturdier business of love, kindness and shared plans. But for some people, it is not an ornament on a relationship. It is part of the structure. That does not make it everyone’s priority—or make…
When Dirty Talk Feels Awkward, Get More Specific
“Be more uninhibited” can sound clear in the moment and still leave plenty open to interpretation. One 37-year-old woman says she and her 39-year-old boyfriend have different bedroom styles: she is more dominant, while he is less so. After she asked him to loosen up, he tried dirty talk during…
When a Touch Follows a Passing Glance
At a wedding, a woman the husband found attractive came over to speak with someone at their table. He looked at her, then reached for his wife’s thigh. His wife says she expected the touch. It is part of a pattern: when her husband notices someone attractive in public—or on…
A Lovely First Date, Then an Invitation Home
A good first date has a particular kind of momentum. The conversation flows, the narrator describes good chemistry, and before dessert arrives there’s already a plan for a second date. Even the brief kiss beside the cars fits neatly into the evening’s hopeful little storyline. Then, about five minutes after…
The Kiss I Saw, and the Secret I’m Still Carrying
My partner and I have been together for more than nine years. We’re engaged. At a gathering in our home, I saw his older brother kiss another woman. His wife wasn’t there. She had gone home to their young child. I’d seen the flirting beforehand, and a couple of my…
“You’re Not Normally My Type” Can Mean More Than One Thing
“You’re not normally my type” is a sentence with the manners of a compliment and the faint chill of a performance review. It appears to praise the person in front of you while quietly introducing a comparison with everyone who came before. The trouble is that the comparison may be…
I Don’t Feel the Spark on Cue
I’m 45, never married, and I don’t have children. I haven’t been in a relationship for almost ten years. Put like that, it can sound as though I’ve been waiting around for something to happen. I haven’t been. I’ve simply never been especially good at making attraction arrive on schedule….
When His Ex-Wife Keeps Entering Your Dates
After about ten dates with a man she likes, a woman finds herself sharing every romantic possibility with someone who is not there: his ex-wife. The references come up in almost every interaction. Then, almost immediately after their first proper kiss, his former marriage enters the conversation again. Her attraction…
The Skincare Interview
They had agreed the coffee date would be brief: a preliminary meeting, with dinner that weekend to follow if they both wanted it. It was a sensible arrangement. Nobody had to commit to a whole evening before finding out whether conversation could survive a drink. Conversation, as it happened, was…