My ex-fiancé has been messaging my mom to say he misses me. Four days ago, he was the one ending our relationship over text. Now he wants her to get me to talk to him, and I’m trying to work out what I would even say.
I’m 25, he’s 29, and we were together for two years. We were engaged. When we argued while he was on a trip in Mexico, I told him three times that I didn’t want to break up. He ended it anyway, then turned off his location.
I knew what he had decided. I had said I wanted us to stay together; he had made the opposite decision. I couldn’t make him choose the relationship just by saying it a fourth time.
Afterward, I blocked him everywhere. I haven’t let myself speak to him since. I needed to stop the conversation after he had made his decision.
He came back from Mexico two days ago. Since then, he’s been contacting my mom, telling her he really misses me and asking her to talk to me. So his wish to reach me is getting through, even though I’ve blocked the direct route.
I miss him too. I still love him. That makes this harder to sit with than it might look from the outside. Hearing that he wants to speak to me reaches the part of me that never wanted the breakup in the first place. It doesn’t erase the messages that ended it.
What I don’t want is for him to think he can dump me, come back a few days later, and resume our relationship as though the breakup were a minor interruption. We were planning a future together. I don’t know how to go straight from being told it’s over to acting as if that future is still there.
My plan is to have no contact for two weeks, then decide what I want to do. I want some distance before I respond, instead of treating how much I miss him right now as the whole answer. But I’m scared he’ll move on while I’m taking that time. I’m also scared I’ll turn the silence into a way of proving a point and lose something I still want.
That’s the uncomfortable part: he ended the relationship, yet I’m worrying that my response could be what finishes it. I haven’t decided whether we should get back together. For now, I haven’t spoken to him. His messages are going to my mom.
