When my boyfriend first told me about his best friend’s wedding, he made it sound as though we were both going. We’ve been together for three years and live together, so I didn’t think much of it. His friend from high school was getting married, my boyfriend would be a groomsman, and I thought I’d be there with him.
As the months passed, it became clear that the invitation was only for him. When I asked about it, he said the wedding was small and the couple weren’t allowing plus-ones. Later, the explanation became that only married couples were invited.
I was hurt, but those sounded like rules that applied to everyone. I also understood that the couple could choose their own guest list. I’d met his friend several times, visited their house, and met his fiancée more than once, but knowing them didn’t entitle me to an invitation.
This was a substantial commitment for my boyfriend. He went on a four-day bachelor trip out of state. The wedding itself was four hours away, and he stayed in a hotel for the whole weekend. I remained outside all of it, believing there was a consistent reason.
Afterward, I found out the other groomsmen had brought partners. The married men brought their wives, and two others brought their girlfriends. Suddenly, the explanations I’d been given didn’t account for what had happened.
When I asked why those girlfriends were included, my boyfriend said one of the men was planning to propose soon. He has continued bringing up impending proposals as an explanation, but I still don’t understand how that answers why I was excluded.
Now he wants his friend to come around and wants us all to get along. He mentions him several times a week, and each mention brings back the hurt. I’ve told him that. He thinks I’m overreacting and making the situation into an issue.
I’m not asking him to go back and change a guest list. What hurts now is trying to explain why it mattered and feeling as though I’m being blamed for noticing. We’ve shared a home and three years together, yet my disappointment seems to be the part he finds hardest to accept.
When I bring it up, he asks, “What do you want me to do about it?” I don’t know how to answer that when we haven’t even reached agreement that there’s something to be hurt about. Am I wrong for still being upset?
