A week after meeting a man at a small dinner with mutual friends, I found his Instagram and sent a follow request. Several hours later, it was still sitting there. This was an impressive amount of uncertainty to extract from a button.
At dinner, things had felt considerably simpler. We hadn't met before, but we ended up talking for about thirty or forty minutes. The conversation came easily, and we both seemed interested in keeping it going. I found him attractive. I thought there might be something coming back in my direction, too.
He seemed to give me more attention than the friends he'd arrived with, or the other woman who was also meeting him for the first time. That registered. It wasn't a declaration of interest, but it was enough to make leaving early inconvenient in a new and specific way.
I left before everyone else. We didn't exchange numbers or social media accounts, so the evening ended with a good conversation and his first name. Plenty to enjoy, slightly less than ideal for arranging a second conversation.
Eventually, I found his private Instagram account. Sending the request felt like a small, reasonable first move. Now I'm trying to remember that several hours is still several hours, even when I have a crush. He hasn't posted much, so perhaps he doesn't use it often. I don't know whether he's seen the request, let alone what he thinks of it. The app has supplied no additional facts.
There is a person who might actually have some: our mutual friend. I'm considering saying I enjoyed talking to him and asking whether we're properly introducible. More specifically, whether he's single. That seems like a fairly basic thing to establish before I develop any further interest in a man I knew only by his first name.
The part that makes me hesitate is handing my interest to somebody else. I can imagine a friend making a relaxed introduction; I can also imagine the awkwardness of an ordinary crush arriving with an announcement. I haven't asked, and I don't know how he would take it. I want a way to talk to him again, not a group project.
Then there's his age. I'm thirty, and the range I'm comfortable dating is roughly twenty-seven to thirty-three. He looked younger than me, but that tells me very little. He could be twenty-eight. He could be twenty-one. Those are both adults and very different prospects for me. I'm not interested in dating a man that young, or even building a friendship with him.
So asking about him wouldn't just be a way around a pending request. It would tell me whether the person I enjoyed talking to is someone I'd actually want to pursue. I'd rather find that out before asking anyone to put in a word for me.
For now, I haven't contacted our friend. Somewhere between a lovely half-hour conversation and a private Instagram profile, I've acquired a crush on a man whose availability and age remain outstanding details.
