If I match with a guy on a dating app and we make plans, I’m happy to meet him. When I meet someone on an app, I keep my Instagram handle to myself. I’ve had enough of that odd little arrangement where a date goes nowhere and the guy can still watch your stories for what feels like the rest of your natural life.
I’m 34, and Instagram is still how I keep up with a lot of people. If I meet someone out in the world, or a guy I already know and I decide to go on a date, chances are he has my handle anyway. With someone from an app, I like having a little room for the first conversation. If he wants to know what I’m into, I’d enjoy having him ask me. I like hearing how people talk about whatever they care about, too. You can only get so much of that from a row of squares.
I also know how quickly I can turn an app into an unpaid investigative job. He’s online and hasn’t replied. He watched my story and didn’t like it. He never posts. He posts constantly. I’ve sat with friends while we tried to make sense of variations on all of this, and I’ve supplied plenty of material myself. It’s amazing how much time you can spend discussing a man who, as far as anyone can tell, was just on his phone.
These days I keep my handle to myself, and I’m fine if the guy keeps his to himself too. There’s usually plenty to think about after an actual date. Did the conversation get easier as we went along? Was there something he said that I wanted to ask him more about? Do I feel like seeing him again?
I wonder if other millennials feel this way. I remember dating before there was quite so much to look up, and I remember how fun it was in my twenties when each new app gave us another way to keep in touch. Now I can spend an evening with someone and go home with his latest story waiting for me. Lately I’d rather just go home and think about the date.
