On Halloween, my boyfriend spent our night at the bar telling me how much he loved me. He kept touching me, staying close, making it very clear that I was the woman he wanted. He was drunk. I was sober. And I loved the attention enough that I felt guilty about it the next day.
We’ve been together for about a year, and I love him. He treats me well. This isn’t a story about a boyfriend who is unpleasant until he has a drink. But that night, the affection was so much more obvious. I didn’t have to look for it in the usual ways he shows he cares. He was putting it into words and reaching for me all evening.
I don’t drink. When we started dating, he said he would drink less too, so I hadn’t really seen this side of him. I knew the man I was in a relationship with. I wasn’t prepared to enjoy this version of him quite so much.
He told me he was in love with me and that no other woman compared. It wasn’t just hearing something flattering. It was hearing him say it so freely, while his attention stayed on me. There’s a particular pleasure in being with someone you already love and suddenly feeling pursued by him again.
When we got home, we had what felt to me like our best sex ever. We usually have sex every day, so frequency isn’t what I’m missing. That night, he talked more openly about what he wanted, kissed me all over, and seemed completely absorbed in being with me. We also tried something we hadn’t done before, and I experienced it as intimate. The difference was how openly he showed his desire, not simply that we had sex.
That distinction matters to me. Saying I wish our sex were more like that sometimes could sound as though I’m unhappy with everything we usually do. I’m not. I can enjoy our everyday sex life and still be surprised by how much I wanted that extra attention. Having sex often doesn’t mean I’ve stopped wanting to feel wanted in a very obvious way.
The next day, I kept thinking about it, and the lovely memory came with a little sadness. I wished the affection had felt less unusual. What I wanted to keep wasn’t the fact that he’d been drinking. It was the ease of hearing what he felt and feeling him reach for me more often than I’m used to.
I don’t know what that night says about why he’s usually less expressive, and one night can’t tell me. I only know how different it felt to me. I don’t want a boyfriend who’s drunk all the time, and I don’t want him to hear that I prefer him that way. I love him sober. I’m still thinking about how openly he wanted me that night.
