For almost a year, I’ve known a man I’m never quite sure how to describe. A friend, sometimes. Someone I’ve flirted with, certainly. We’re both in our early thirties, and somehow even saying hello has occasionally become complicated.
There was attraction before, but it never turned into anything. One of us was unavailable, or both of us were. We also had awkward stretches when we barely spoke. Earlier this summer, though, I thought we had settled into an actual friendship.
Then he asked me out. After all the uncertainty, that seemed like a fairly clear development. Except he never organized the date. Instead, he started avoiding me.
It wasn’t just that he stopped making an effort. We struggled to make eye contact or say hi. Someone I’d thought was my friend had asked to spend time with me and then made ordinary contact feel uncomfortable. It took me a few weeks to get past that.
At first, my ego was definitely bruised. But underneath that was the loss of the friendship I thought we had. I kept wondering whether I’d done something wrong without realizing it. Had I misunderstood something? Had I somehow made a mistake serious enough to explain all this?
Eventually, I stopped expecting an answer. People sometimes stop being friends, and they don’t always explain why. I decided I could accept that and get on with my life.
We still bumped into each other fairly often. Mostly it was awkward, occasionally warm enough to avoid being rude. I got used to that being the extent of our contact.
Then, a few days ago, he started talking to me. The conversation lasted an hour. He caught me up on his life, opened up about sensitive things, and was completely friendly. Part of what he said helped me understand his disappearance. For that hour, being around him felt easy again.
He’s stayed warm and friendly since, which is the part I don’t know how to receive. I had adjusted to the distance he chose. Now he seems comfortable crossing it, without any clear explanation of what this means.
I’m glad to understand a little more about what happened to him. I still don’t understand what’s happening between us. Is he trying to be friends again? And why now, after I’d finally accepted that we weren’t?
