I’ve been divorced for three years, and I’ve dated a little here and there. I’m open to having sex with someone new. What I’m trying to figure out is whether something I want is common enough to expect—or something I need to bring up before we get there.
Do men usually offer oral sex the first time they sleep with a woman?
It feels oddly vulnerable to ask. Saying I’m ready for sex sounds straightforward. Saying I want a real chance of finishing somehow feels like a bigger announcement, even though that’s a pretty basic part of why I’d want to have sex.
I’m not asking for a guarantee. A first time involves two people learning each other, and neither one arrives with instructions. There can be nerves, awkward moments, and perfectly good intentions that don’t quite translate. I have room for that.
What I’m less interested in is an encounter where my pleasure feels optional. If I already know oral sex matters to me, I don’t want to spend the whole time silently hoping he’ll think of it. But I also don’t want to assume that agreeing to sex means either of us has agreed to every particular thing.
That leaves me with the question behind the question: how much do I say beforehand? There’s a difference between telling someone what I enjoy and feeling as though I’m negotiating for a turn.
After three years of being divorced and occasionally dating, I’m willing to be nervous about someone new. I’d just like the anticipation to include something for me. Is that usually part of a first time together, or do I need to ask?
