For a couple of years, he was my Dominant. Somewhere along the way, we also became romantically involved. A little over a year ago, we decided to stop the Dominant/submissive part of our relationship and focus on our lives and being together.
We’ve still been intimate on and off. Most of it has been fairly ordinary for us, and I hadn’t felt pulled back into the old dynamic. That made what happened a couple of nights ago hard to understand.
During an intimate moment, he asked to finish in a way we hadn’t tried before. I wasn’t uncomfortable with the request, and I said yes. I was already kneeling in front of him. Afterward, he told me how good it had been, kissed my forehead, and called me a “good girl.”
Then he went into the bathroom and locked the door.
I stayed where I was for a few minutes. Part of me was waiting for him to come back. Another part felt as though I wasn’t supposed to move, even though we no longer had that arrangement.
When I heard the shower, I got up and cleaned myself with tissues. I didn’t know what else to do, so I tidied the room, made the bed, and laid out his nightclothes. I put on a shirt and waited.
When he came out, he said he was tired and going to bed. I took a quick shower. I felt dazed, with an emptiness in my chest I couldn’t explain. There was frustration in it, but hurt, too. I went to bed with a simple, “Goodnight, I love you.”
The next day was worse. I cried and felt gutted. As that began to ease, I wondered whether I’d experienced some kind of sub drop—the emotional low I associated with our former dynamic.
I can see that we skipped aftercare, and that being left alone afterward probably didn’t help. What confuses me is why I needed it so much this time. Other intimacy between us hasn’t brought this on.
He hasn’t been my Sir for over a year. I’m not serving anyone else. Do I need to ask more clearly for comfort afterward, even when we think we’re keeping things casual? Has anyone else felt an old dynamic return before they realized they’d stepped back into it?
