Yesterday morning, the first message from the man I’m seeing was about how hard things had become. Work and personal problems were piling up, and he felt overwhelmed. I cared immediately. I’d also been considering ending things.
I’m 25, he’s 28, and we’ve been seeing each other for two months. We’ve had several dates, been intimate, and found an easy physical chemistry. In person, he’s sweet and affectionate. The uncertainty tends to arrive between those moments.
He’s told me work comes first right now. He wants to know me better before making things official. Meanwhile, I’ve become more attached than he seems to be. I often hold back until he initiates affection or opens up, partly because I don’t know how much of myself to bring into something still undefined.
Then, on the day he told me he was struggling, he kept saying he missed me. That was unusual for him. Hearing it made me want to show up, even while I was unsure what showing up meant to us.
He lives an hour away, and getting out earlier that evening wasn’t possible with the rules in my strict Asian household. I offered to send his favorite food through DoorDash. He declined, saying he felt undeserving of nice gestures and got shy. Later, I offered to drive over just to give him a quick hug, but he was already napping. The timing never worked.
I’ve asked how I can help. I’ve said I can listen and that I’ll respect it if he needs time alone. He said he would be okay; he wanted me to know because he wasn’t going to be very present.
I believe he may be having a difficult time. I also remember that I was emotionally exhausted before yesterday’s message arrived. His explanation matters, but it hasn’t answered the questions I already had about us.
We’re still texting. Now I’m unsure how to respond without adding pressure or offering more than I can keep giving. When he says he misses me, I want to answer warmly. I just don’t know where that warmth is supposed to go.
