A few hours after a good first date, I got an Instagram follow request. We had seemed interested in each other, with no obvious incompatibilities, and we were both open to a second date. It was a pleasantly uncomplicated beginning.
The person who requested me—call them A—had plenty of mutual friends with me. I accepted and followed back without noticing that the guy I’d just gone out with was among those connections.
A few moments later, A messaged me to ask how I knew him. I said I’d met him recently. I deliberately left out the date part, unsure why someone I didn’t know was asking. A didn’t reply.
That was enough to send me through their profile. Neither of them had public posts identifying the other as a partner, so I didn’t see clear evidence of a committed relationship. What I did find was a series of small overlaps: the same places at the same times, posts and stories that seemed to line up.
There were photos with two dishes, two cups of coffee, or part of someone sitting across a table. Nothing established that they were together. Taken together, though, the details made me suspect A and this guy were dating, too.
That alone wouldn’t bother me. We’d only had one date and hadn’t discussed exclusivity. I generally assume people are still seeing others until we agree otherwise. I date that way myself.
Still, it feels different when an abstract possibility becomes a person who has just appeared in your messages. I expected there might be other dates. I hadn’t expected one of them to ask me a question before he and I had even arranged our second.
I don’t know how A found me, or what they wanted from that exchange. Were they feeling me out? Trying to intimidate me? Asking something far more ordinary than I’m making it? Their silence leaves plenty of room for interpretation.
It seems like this should be a nonissue, yet it’s bothering me. We’ve had one good date, and now I’m looking at an unanswered message from someone who may know him in much the same way I do. What am I supposed to do with that?
