For almost four years, I thought my girlfriend and I were headed toward marriage. I was 29, she was 27, and I wasn’t treating our relationship as something temporary. I believed we were building a life together.
Then a coworker’s name started coming up all the time. At first, he was someone she mentioned. Eventually, he became someone she compared me to. When I asked what was happening, she got defensive, which made it harder to leave the subject alone.
She finally admitted she had feelings for him and ended our relationship. I asked whether she was leaving me for him. Her answer was that she thought he made her happier.
There wasn’t much I could do with that. It hurt, but I didn’t beg her to stay. She moved out, and I started trying to get my life back together without the future I’d assumed we would share.
About three months later, she showed up at my apartment crying. Things with the coworker hadn’t worked out. He’d lost interest and started flirting with someone else.
Now she missed me. She said she’d made a mistake and realized I was the one who had truly loved her. After hearing why she’d left, it was strange to hear her explain why she wanted to return.
I had one question: if things had worked out with him, would she even be standing here?
She couldn’t answer. I hadn’t asked to embarrass her. I needed to know what had changed between us, beyond the fact that the person she’d chosen was no longer choosing her.
Our mutual friends think I’m being too harsh. They say I should give her another chance. I understand that people make mistakes, and almost four years together is a lot to walk away from. I was there for all of it, too.
But I keep coming back to that visit and the answer she couldn’t give me. I haven’t agreed to take her back. Am I wrong to refuse when I still don’t know whether she’d have wanted me if he’d stayed?
