Marriage & Desire

I’m 45, never married, and I don’t have children. I haven’t been in a relationship for almost ten years. Put like that, it can sound as though I’ve been waiting around for something to happen. I haven’t been. I’ve simply never been especially good at making attraction arrive on schedule….

After about ten dates with a man she likes, a woman finds herself sharing every romantic possibility with someone who is not there: his ex-wife. The references come up in almost every interaction. Then, almost immediately after their first proper kiss, his former marriage enters the conversation again. Her attraction…

The autumn rain was falling while the housework went on. He and his wife, both in their early forties, spent the day at home with chores. When she urged him to go with her to a public thermal bath, he was reluctant. He went anyway. The first Aufguss came at…

A romantic novel arrives in a relationship looking like leisure. It may have been recruited for something rather more specific. In one new long-term relationship after divorce, the man was sweet, willing to read together, and apparently a little short on imagination. The search was on for a book that…

Scheduling time for intimacy can help when two people want closeness but repeatedly lose the opportunity to work, tiredness, and everyday demands. It…

A brief sexual encounter can fit naturally into a busy marriage when both people want it. It need not be less affectionate because there is no…

Dating during a separation can involve genuine affection and unfinished practical business at the same time. The question is not whether every person…

“Dead bedroom” is an informal label for a relationship in which sex has become infrequent or stopped. It describes a situation, not a diagnosis. A…

“You have that look,” Jake said across the dinner table.

During fertility treatment, our life filled with appointments, injections, waiting, and disappointment. Sex stopped feeling separate from the rest of…

Jake first met Anna at the club where she performed under the name Grace. When they later began dating, he liked to say he had seen the real woman…

For years, I described marriage as a piece of paper. I had a good relationship with Daniel and a home we had built together. I did not see why an…