My boyfriend and I both like to sing, and we sing together a lot. That’s one of the things I enjoy about us. What I don’t understand is why a song becomes unattractive to him when the person who originally sang it happens to be a man.
He’s told me it turns him off. Sam Smith, Bruno Mars, older Justin Bieber songs—all fall into the same category. It doesn’t seem to matter whether the singer has a deep voice. Songs by women are fine, including women with lower voices. My voice is still my voice, so I’m having trouble following the distinction.
I’m 24, he’s 21, and we’ve been dating for a few months. In many ways, he’s a lovely boyfriend. He’s attentive and caring, does thoughtful things for me, and makes me feel loved. That’s part of why these comments stand out. They don’t fit easily with the way he otherwise treats me.
There’s also his expectation that my body should have absolutely no natural intimate scent. Not a scent he particularly dislikes—nothing at all. That bothers me, especially around my period, when I’m already aware of changes in my body. I don’t know what to do with an expectation that seems to leave so little room for an actual human body.
Then there’s height. I’m tall, and he’s about two inches taller than I am. He’s mentioned liking short women, which wouldn’t necessarily mean much on its own. People have preferences. But when I once jokingly called him short, he got defensive. He says he considers himself tall and isn’t insecure about it.
I noticed the unevenness: he can comfortably mention a physical preference I don’t meet, while a similar comment about him lands very differently.
I’m not trying to turn a few uncomfortable moments into a verdict on his character. I’m happy with him in plenty of ways. Still, when I put these things together, I have questions I didn’t have when each one happened separately.
Are these unrelated preferences, a few insecurities, or signs of something about how he sees women? I keep coming back to the singing. We’re doing something we both enjoy, and somehow the name on the original recording changes what he hears.
