We have been married for about ten years and have two children. Until recently, our sex life was quiet enough that calling it a rhythm would have been generous. Months could pass between one occasion and the next. There was no danger of losing count.
I had begun to feel that this was simply how things were going to be. Not a temporary lull with a known end date, just the familiar pattern stretching ahead. I was unhappy about it, then increasingly hopeless. A person can get used to a situation without becoming particularly fond of it.
Then, over the past few weeks, my wife started wanting me much more often. In the evenings. In the mornings. She began reaching for me and initiating things herself. There were new sides to our intimacy, too. The contrast with what I had come to expect was considerable. My expectations had not prepared a response for this development.
It is a peculiar surprise when the person surprising you is the person you have been married to for a decade. This was my wife. Our marriage. The same two people, with a very different amount of interest passing between us. I had become so familiar with the old pattern that the new one felt almost improbable.
She also told me she wanted to start reading erotic novels. That was new information as well. I cannot say the books explain anything: she said she wanted to start reading them, not that a novel had arrived with instructions for changing our marriage. Still, it belonged to the same pleasantly unexpected set of developments.
I do not have an explanation for the change. I have a few weeks of my wife wanting to be close to me, and the considerable pleasure of being wanted. Those are not quite the same thing as a theory, but they are much more enjoyable to have.
For a long time, I had thought I knew what to expect. Now the evenings and the mornings are both capable of surprising me. I cannot tell you what our marriage will look like six months from now. A few weeks do not come with that information.
What I can tell you is that I am delighted. After feeling so resigned, I am suddenly the husband with some very good news and no especially useful explanation for it.
My expectations are still catching up. I am having a wonderful time waiting for them.
