For much of the three years I’ve known my boyfriend, including roughly two years together, I’ve asked him to call me more. Just a conversation at the end of the day: how was yours, here’s what happened in mine, good night.
During our first year together, he’d call for about a week after I brought it up. Then it would fade until I asked again. I called sometimes, too, but eventually the lack of reciprocation stung. I decided he probably wasn’t a phone person, even though he knew I preferred calls to long text conversations.
Recently, one of his friends started dating a woman who, according to my boyfriend, wasn’t treating that friend well. My boyfriend initially disliked her and confronted her about it. I wasn’t there, but they apparently talked things through and became friends themselves.
Soon, the three of them were hanging out without me. I felt left out, and I asked about the direct messages and Instagram reels he sent her. He showed me some messages. There was nothing obviously inappropriate, but one exchange caught me.
She’d said she was upset about something that morning. He immediately offered to call. She declined and explained that a man across the country had sent her an unsolicited explicit photo. My boyfriend offered again and followed up to say he hoped she was okay.
She deserved support after that. What hurt was realizing that offering a call occurred to him so readily. When I’d texted that I was upset, he’d never offered me that same comfort. I hadn’t known it was something he thought to do.
I got very upset with him. Now he offers to call when I’m having a hard time, and I appreciate the effort. Still, it feels different knowing the change came after I saw him do it for someone he’d known for only a month or two.
If he’d been calling me all along, I don’t think that exchange would have bothered me. Now he’s offering what I asked for, and I’m still hurt. What do I do with that?
