About six months ago, a new guy joined our friend group, and I liked him almost immediately. I thought there might be something coming back my way, too. Nothing definite—just enough to make spending time with him feel a little different.
He lost his job over the summer, and I’d heard he wasn’t dating because of it. I took that as a reason to let things unfold. We became close, started doing plenty of things one on one, and built a friendship I enjoyed for its own sake. I didn’t feel a need to rush it.
There was another woman in our group who liked him, and unlike me, she had made that information widely available. She’d made a move over the summer, and he had essentially turned her down. They stayed good friends.
Somewhere along the way, though, I started feeling as if we were in an unspoken competition. She seemed bothered that he and I spent time alone together. I hadn’t even told anyone how I felt, yet somehow I felt entered in something.
Recently, our whole group went out to the bars. The three of us were talking when she casually brought up a woman he’d been on dates with. I stepped out of the conversation, although I was still close enough to hear.
Apparently, they’d gone out a few times. From what I overheard, he didn’t seem to see a long-term future with her. But I was still catching up with the first part: he was dating.
We talk about practically everything, yet he’d never mentioned other women to me. Somehow, this friend knew. I couldn’t tell whether I’d been deliberately kept in the dark or had simply mistaken closeness for something it wasn’t.
Now I’m wondering whether someone can like a particular person, feel unready to pursue anything serious with them, and still date casually. In my head, liking him has made everyone else less interesting. Have I been assuming the same thing was happening for him?
