I’ve been trying to be the girlfriend who doesn’t read too much into Instagram. I’m 27, my boyfriend is 28, and we’ve been together about three years. I don’t want every follow or story to become something we have to discuss. Lately, though, a few things have been harder to shrug off.
A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that he and an OnlyFans model were following each other. There might have been a direct message, too, but I can’t verify that, so I’m not treating it as something I know. The mutual follow was enough for me to tell him how I felt.
He unfollowed her. What bothered me afterward was his reaction: apparently, he could no longer have Facebook or any social media presence and would have to delete all the apps. That felt like a pretty big leap from the conversation we were actually having. I came away feeling guilty for bringing it up at all.
Then today, I noticed the green circle around another woman’s Instagram story. She’s someone he previously hooked up with or dated, and she has him on her Close Friends list. Now that I’ve noticed it, it feels as though she has a new story every time he opens the app.
I know that doesn’t tell me what’s in those stories, why she added him, or whether anything is happening. I’m not blaming her. But it made me think about what she—or anyone else—would understand about his life from looking at his profile.
There’s no sign of me. After three years together, I’m not posted anywhere. I don’t need a million pictures, anniversary tributes, or a running account of our relationship. Still, his page gives the impression that he’s single, and I’m finding that harder to separate from everything else.
I want to ask him about it without turning a green circle into evidence of something I can’t prove. But after the last conversation became a declaration that he should delete every app, I’m nervous about starting another one. How do I bring up feeling invisible without the whole conversation becoming about whether I’m overreacting?
