About a month into dating my girlfriend, I’ve discovered that something I consider ordinary family behavior apparently needs explaining: my sister kisses me on the cheek.
My sister lives nearby, and we see each other pretty often. We’re close. She’s also a very affectionate person, while I’m pretty much the opposite. She supplies enough enthusiasm for both of us.
When we see each other, she’ll usually kiss my cheek a few times. Sometimes those kisses are spread over a couple of minutes. To me, this is familiar territory. My sister is being my sister, and occasionally I end up wearing some of her lipstick.
My girlfriend thinks it’s extremely weird. We’re both in our late twenties, and she sees this kind of affection between adult siblings as inappropriate, or at least unusual enough to raise questions.
The lipstick is a particular sticking point. She thinks my sister leaving it on my face is a way of “marking” me. I had understood it to be a consequence of lipstick touching a cheek, but apparently we’re working from different evidence.
I’m not claiming my sister is restrained. She can be over the top with affection. If you’re used to families that express fondness through a brief nod, I can see how ours might seem like a substantial production.
Still, I don’t experience those kisses as anything other than family affection. This is my sister. The meaning feels so obvious to me that I’m struggling to explain it without simply repeating our relationship to each other.
I understand that families have different boundaries. Something can feel normal in one household and unfamiliar in another. My girlfriend’s reaction surprised me because she seems to see more than a difference in habits; she sees something wrong.
That’s where I’m stuck. I don’t want to dismiss her discomfort, but I also don’t share her interpretation of what’s happening.
Would you find it strange if your partner’s sibling greeted them this way? And would a few lipstick marks change your answer?
