We waited about five weeks before we had sex. Now, when we spend a day together, it can happen two or three times. The sex is good. The part I’m struggling with is how quickly that became our pace.
We’re both in our late thirties, and we’ve been dating for about two months. From the beginning, I wanted a serious relationship. He said he wanted the same. About two weeks in, he started suggesting we should be exclusive. At the one-month mark, he made it clear that I was his girlfriend and he wasn’t seeing anyone else.
That mattered to me. I need an emotional connection before I can have sex with someone, and I need to know we’re exclusive. He was the one who said he didn’t want to rush into sex. He wanted to take his time and give this a proper chance. We were going on dates at least twice a week, so waiting didn’t mean keeping each other at a distance.
When we did sleep together, the chemistry was there. He’s told me he has a high sex drive. That doesn’t put me off. I want a relationship with a good sex life, and once I feel settled with someone, I’m happy to have plenty of sex too.
But the last few weeks have felt like a sudden change. We see each other two or three times a week, and when we’re together, he wants sex often. It feels as though we waited for the first time, then skipped straight to a level of ease I haven’t reached yet. Being ready to sleep with him wasn’t the same as feeling completely secure about where we’re going.
The awkward thing is that he hasn’t stopped making an effort. He still takes me on dates. We still do things together. He texts and stays in touch. I can’t point to some obvious moment when the relationship shrank down to sex, because that hasn’t happened.
Even so, I catch myself wondering whether he’s trying to get as much sex as possible while this lasts. Then I wonder: would any reasonably attractive woman he got along with be having this exact experience with him? I don’t have evidence that I’m interchangeable. That fear sits awkwardly beside the attention he gives me outside sex.
I also know that wanting each other a lot early on doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong. Part of me worries I’m taking something we both enjoy and turning it into a problem. But enjoying him doesn’t make the nervousness disappear, and I don’t want to pretend I’m further along emotionally just because the physical part works.
I’m considering asking him to slow down for a month or two. I haven’t asked yet. I don’t mean that I regret sleeping with him or that I’ve stopped wanting him. I’m still trying to find the words for wanting less sex right now, without making it sound like less interest in him.
