I brought it up as a joke. That gave me a little room to hide: I could mention the possibility of my wife being with someone else without having to stand completely behind the suggestion. Part of me was curious. Another part could barely tolerate the picture.
Then she seemed receptive, and I felt a little angry.
That’s the part I’m having trouble admitting. I introduced the subject. She didn’t spring it on me or ask me to agree to anything. Still, her apparent interest made the whole thing feel different. I had been able to entertain the idea while it existed mostly on my side of the conversation. Hearing a possible yes from her gave it weight.
My wife is the most important person in my life. I love her more than anyone, and I’ve always been insecure. Those two facts get tangled up here. I can be interested in the possibility and, almost in the same breath, wonder whether seeing it happen would be more than I could bear.
I don’t want to confuse being curious with being ready. I also don’t want to turn a joking conversation into something I feel obligated to follow through on. Nothing about loving her makes my own reaction easy to predict.
What I’m trying to understand is how anyone knows beforehand. If you’ve been in this position, was there something that helped you recognize you were comfortable with it? Did the uncertainty ease gradually, or did you realize that your interest belonged in your imagination?
I’m not asking how to make myself agree. If this ever happens, I need to feel emotionally okay with it, too. Right now, I have a wife I adore, a possibility that interests me, and a reaction to her interest that I haven’t sorted out. How did you know you were ready?
