He invited me on a winter trip, and I started thinking about taking a second job. He would pay most of the expenses. Even so, buying the clothes I’d need and covering my part could leave me broke. We aren’t officially a couple yet, and I’m already trying to work out how much it would cost to keep up.
I’m 22 and at university. He’s 37, established in his career, and from a wealthy family. I can see myself wanting a relationship with him. But the everyday life he takes for granted is far beyond what I can afford. Sometimes I look at how comfortably he lives and wonder why he picked me.
The difference isn’t just that he can book a nicer vacation. I’m struggling with basic expenses. There have been days when I’ve gone hungry, while he sends me videos of dinners he’s enjoying abroad. I don’t know that he understands how far apart our circumstances are. What looks like an ordinary evening to him can arrive on my phone while I’m worrying about food.
He wears a $37,000 watch. A $100 watch would be beyond my budget. That comparison is almost too large to be useful, but it’s hard to forget when I’m trying to imagine standing beside him as his girlfriend. I keep measuring what I could contribute in the same terms as what he can buy, and coming up short.
He’s already given me an expensive gift. When his birthday came around recently, I had no idea what to get him. I wanted to give him something he would enjoy, but I couldn’t spend anything close to what he spends on me. Receiving something lovely should feel simple. Instead, I find myself wondering how I’m supposed to return the gesture without pretending I have money I don’t.
He has offered to send me money, too. I feel embarrassed accepting it, especially when we haven’t even defined the relationship. I don’t want my interest in him to become tangled up with needing his help. Nor do I want to seem ungrateful when he offers something generous. The discomfort is mine; it isn’t proof that he expects repayment or has attached conditions.
He currently lives in another country. I’ve been considering moving there in a few months, and he has said he could help me find work and settle in. That could be a practical starting point while I build a life of my own. It also means that the same man I might date could become someone I rely on before I have steady footing there.
Part of me wants to leave the romance alone until I have a career and can support myself. Another part thinks I’m deciding I’m unworthy before giving him an honest picture of my situation. Telling him what I can actually afford would mean admitting how tight things are, rather than trying to match his invitations with extra shifts.
For now, the trip is still an invitation. Before I can say yes, I have to account for winter clothes and my own bills. His offer covers most of the trip. I’m still trying to work out whether I can afford the rest.
