I’ve been talking to this guy for more than four months. Recently, I found out he’d commented on some sexually explicit posts, and my interest took a dip I wasn’t expecting. I got the ick. That’s the least elegant way to describe it, but it’s also the most accurate.
Nothing about the situation comes with an obvious next step. We’re still in the talking stage. I’m not describing a broken agreement or saying he needs my permission to use his account. I just saw something that changed how I felt about him.
That seems like it should be simple enough to admit. Instead, I’m wondering whether I’m being dramatic. The comments bothered me, and then my reaction became a second thing to feel awkward about.
Four months is enough time for interest to build. It’s also enough time to develop an impression of someone, even while there’s plenty you don’t know. Apparently, this was one of the things I didn’t know, and it landed badly.
I don’t feel comfortable bringing it up. I can’t quite imagine telling him I saw his comments and then asking him to explain them. It’s his account. He can decide what to post, and I don’t want a conversation that sounds like I’m supervising him.
But leaving it unmentioned doesn’t make the uneasiness disappear. I’m disappointed, and I feel less drawn to him than I did before. I haven’t arrived at some sweeping judgment about who he is. I’m trying to understand this particular shift in how I see him.
So that’s my question: is this a normal reaction to learning something about someone you’re getting to know, or am I giving a few online comments more weight than they deserve?
