I’m a 36-year-old woman on Facebook Dating, and getting matches isn’t my problem. Answering them apparently is.
Messages come in. I reply to some, but a lot go unanswered. These are people I matched with, which makes my silence harder to explain, even to myself. Somewhere between expressing interest and having a conversation, I stop participating.
The strange part is how much I want a relationship. I want to love someone and be loved back. That isn’t a casual wish I mention because it sounds nice. I want the closeness of having someone in my life, someone I’m excited about who’s excited about me.
And yet there’s my inbox.
It would be convenient if I could point to one obvious explanation. Maybe I’m not interested enough in a particular match. Maybe a message doesn’t give me much to work with. But neither possibility explains why I ignore so many of them. I don’t actually know what’s happening, and I don’t want to give myself a tidy explanation just because the silence looks untidy.
A match is such a small beginning. We haven’t promised each other anything. Still, answering means taking that small beginning somewhere, even if it only becomes a few ordinary messages between strangers.
I keep noticing the gap between the relationship I want and the conversations I barely enter. The wanting feels real. So does my reluctance to reply.
I’m still on Facebook Dating, still getting matches, still hoping to meet someone. I just don’t understand why I’m so often quiet when someone says hello.
