I’m 27, and I’ve started seeing a guy I have really good chemistry with. We’ve made out and gotten a little carried away, but we haven’t had sex. When I talked to my mom about dating again, she told me I should wait until I knew the guy was serious. Then she clarified what she meant by serious. She meant he should be talking about marriage.
She had my last relationship in mind. It was a situationship that lasted about two years, with stretches when we were supposedly broken up. I tried seeing other people during those breaks, but I still felt like I was with him. My mom thinks sleeping with him had a lot to do with why I stayed attached. I wanted to argue with her, but I know how quickly I start feeling committed once I’ve slept with someone.
I told her people date differently now. In my experience, sex can come up after a handful of dates, sometimes sooner. She told me she’d had plenty of men interested in marrying her without ever sleeping with them. I brought up the differences in culture and generation. I did leave one thing unasked. I still have no idea whether she meant I should stop at kissing, and I’d rather live with the mystery than give her enough details to settle it.
The funny thing is, I already tend to wait longer with guys I can picture a future with. If I know it’s going nowhere, I’m usually more relaxed about hooking up. This time I actually want to date around and find someone I could start a family with. I’d like to be able to get to know a few people without feeling like I’ve already picked someone.
I grew up reading Russian novels full of courtship, so my mom may have picked the right audience for that part of her argument. I like spending time with someone I find interesting and seeing what happens. And with this guy, I’m enjoying the part we’re in. I’m curious how that feels from the other side. If you were seeing someone you really liked and she wanted to take sex slowly, would you keep seeing her? How long before you started to wonder if she was interested at all?
