After a few dates with a guy, I felt there was something worth exploring. We get along, have a nice rapport, and there’s good sexual chemistry. Then he told me he’s into BDSM—and that he’s building a room for it in his house.
I have no experience with BDSM. I’m not against trying new things, but hearing about the room gave me pause. An interest I haven’t explored is one thing to take in. A dedicated space in someone’s home makes it feel like a much bigger part of his life.
He says he doesn’t need BDSM sex. I’m trying to understand that alongside the room. They may be perfectly compatible statements from his perspective. From mine, with no experience to help me interpret any of this, they seem difficult to fit together.
I don’t know what the room means to him beyond what he’s told me. I also don’t know what he would hope for from someone he’s dating. That’s where my curiosity starts getting tangled up with concern: I can be open to something unfamiliar without knowing whether I’ll want it once I understand it better.
The timing adds another question. We’ve only been on a few dates. Is this a common point to bring up an interest like this? I can see why it would come up while we’re getting to know each other, but I don’t have any sense of what’s typical.
There’s still a guy here I like spending time with. The rapport and attraction haven’t disappeared. Now there’s also this substantial detail about his life, and I’m unsure how much weight to give it.
He says it’s something he can do without. He’s also building a room for it. I’m left wondering what dating him would look like if I decided it wasn’t for me.
