My friend has started flirting with me in the middle of our regular conversations. We’ve known each other for a few years, so I notice the change. What I don’t know is how to respond without making something I value suddenly feel awkward.
I’m in my early twenties, focused on my future, and not interested in a relationship. I’ve never been in one, and I haven’t slept with anyone. Dating simply isn’t something I want right now. That feels straightforward until I try to imagine saying it to someone whose feelings I don’t want to hurt.
We have a lot of interests in common. Our conversations are genuinely enjoyable, and I don’t want to lose those. Until the flirting started, I didn’t have to think much about how my side of a conversation might sound to him.
There’s another piece I can’t quite place. He’s told me before that his family keeps encouraging him to find a girlfriend. I don’t know whether his attention means he has feelings for me specifically, whether that pressure is part of it, or whether both things are true.
I don’t want to dismiss his advances just because I’m unsure where they’re coming from. I’d rather take the possibility of real feelings seriously. But I also don’t want to turn a few flirtatious comments into a formal conversation that leaves him feeling embarrassed.
So I’m caught before a conversation that hasn’t happened yet. I know what my answer is if he wants a relationship. I’m trying to work out how to give that answer kindly, without leaving him with the impression that he should keep trying.
I like being his friend. I like the easy conversations and the things we have in common. How do I tell him I don’t want anything romantic while giving that friendship the best chance of staying?
