I recently joined dating apps, went on three first dates, and apparently became very good at having first dates. Second dates remain a department I haven’t been able to reach.
Nothing has seemed obviously wrong. I show up on time. The conversation flows. When the check arrives, I offer to split it. The evenings have felt positive, and I’ve left thinking there was enough of a connection to see each other again.
Then nothing develops. Three dates isn’t a huge sample, I know. Still, when the same thing happens three times, it’s hard not to start wondering whether there’s something I’m missing.
My follow-up is pretty simple. If I haven’t heard from someone after a couple of hours, I send a message thanking him and saying I had a good time. One message. I’m not sending a second one to clarify the first or asking where he sees this going before we’ve finished digesting dinner.
To me, that feels like a friendly way to show interest. But now even that small gesture has become something I examine. Is the timing off? Am I reading a pleasant conversation as mutual interest when he’s simply being polite?
That’s the awkward part: I can tell you how the dates went from my side, but I have no idea what they felt like from the other side of the table. Easy conversation gives me something to enjoy in the moment. It apparently doesn’t give me much to go on afterward.
I’m not expecting every person I meet to want another date. I’d just like a little more understanding of what makes someone leave thinking, yes, I want to see her again.
So, men, what are you looking for on a first date? What makes the difference between a nice evening and an evening you want to repeat? Because so far, I seem to be getting through the nice-evening portion just fine.
