For most of our relationship, sex happened two or three times a week, usually on weekends. It wasn’t something I counted then. We wanted each other, we found time, and that part of being together seemed to take care of itself.
Now it’s closer to once a month. We’re both 20, and we’ve been together for 18 months. I still want her, but I miss feeling wanted without having to bring it up.
When I asked why things had changed, she said the honeymoon phase was over. She also brought up the arguments we’ve had. There have been a lot of them, and she thinks they’ve affected that part of our relationship. We seem to be doing well now, but apparently being okay again hasn’t brought everything else back with it.
She doesn’t initiate the way she used to. That’s where my mind starts filling in blanks, usually with the worst available explanation. I wonder whether there’s someone else, even though I don’t have evidence that she’s cheating. The thought shows up anyway.
She’s been open with me about masturbating during the weekdays when we’re apart. She isn’t on the pill, and she hasn’t mentioned anything else going on that would explain the change. I keep getting stuck on the same question: if she still feels desire, why does our time together feel so different?
I believed she enjoyed the sex we had. As far as I understood, she reached orgasm every time. But that hasn’t helped me understand what she wants now, or what the arguments might still mean to her.
What I miss most is the connection. I liked that we could be close in that particular way, without a conversation first. Now even finding the words feels awkward. Saying I want sex more often sounds blunt when what I’m trying to say is that I miss us.
How do I tell her that honestly without making her feel like she owes me something?
