I like what my partner and I are discovering together. That’s the part I want to start with, before the reading lists and the worry creep in. We’re exploring a master/pet dynamic, and it reaches beyond our sex life. So far, it’s something we’ve both really enjoyed.
Neither of us has much experience with BDSM. I’ve been interested for a couple of years, but most of what I know comes from hearing other people describe their experiences. I’ve done some light reading, too. I’m not coming into this completely unaware, though I know interest and experience aren’t interchangeable.
What we do have is good communication. We talk well with each other, and we’re both serious about making this a healthy part of our relationship. I don’t want to wave away everything we don’t know just because things feel good right now. I also don’t want to pretend that talking openly means we automatically know every question worth asking.
But whenever I browse BDSM communities, I keep running into recommendations for books and blogs. I understand the reason. If you’re going to participate in something, you should understand what you’re getting into. The difficulty is that I already read a lot for my classes, and the thought of adding another stack makes me tense.
Something I’m curious about starts to feel like another assignment waiting for me. That bothers me more than I expected. I don’t want the pressure to become thoroughly informed to swallow the enjoyment that made me interested in the first place.
Maybe I’m making the whole thing heavier than it needs to be. I can hear how someone might read this and think I’m trying to skip the responsible part. That isn’t what I mean. I want to understand what matters without feeling like I’ve enrolled in another course.
So that’s where I’m stuck: can a healthy dynamic grow mostly from honest, ongoing communication, or does doing this responsibly require more research than either of us has done?
