I’m divorced and in my mid-40s, and the phrase “starting over” makes me tired before I’ve done anything. It sounds so simple when it’s two words. Then I think about how much time I put into my marriage, and those two words suddenly have a lot of luggage.
Part of me feels ridiculous even asking how to do this. I’m an adult. Presumably, I should know how to begin another part of my own life. But knowing that a marriage has ended doesn’t automatically tell me what comes next.
The years are what I keep getting stuck on. I invested so much time in being married that beginning again feels strangely out of proportion, like I’m being asked to repeat something I already spent a large part of my life doing. I don’t know where to put all that history while I figure out the present.
And then there’s my age. Mid-40s isn’t an abstract number when it’s mine. It’s the age at which I’m trying to imagine a fresh start while feeling as though I should already be settled. I can hear how hard I’m being on myself. Hearing it hasn’t quite stopped it.
I’m not looking for a dramatic reinvention. Even the word sounds like more work than I’m ready to take on. I’m asking something smaller: when people come out of a marriage and find themselves here, what do they actually do first?
A place to begin would help. Something more specific than “move on,” and small enough that I could picture myself doing it.
