The first time I tried dating apps, a few years ago, I used my very best pictures. No filters, no digital renovation. Just photographs in which everything had cooperated more than it generally does.
I looked like me on an unusually successful day. Apparently, that version of me had an active social calendar waiting for her.
I got plenty of dates. Unfortunately, a remarkable number of the people on them were boring. My photos were doing an excellent job of attracting interest and a less impressive job of helping me find someone I wanted to keep talking to.
Eventually, I changed the pictures. I included myself in a silly hat. I included myself without makeup. The profile began to look more like the person who would actually arrive, including the possibility of questionable headwear.
The number of dates went down. The quality went up.
That was a trade I could live with. I was looking for a long-term relationship, and maintaining an advertising campaign for my most photogenic moments seemed like an unnecessarily demanding second job.
The last man I dated told me I was much prettier in person than I looked in my profile. An unusual compliment, but I accepted the favorable portion. More importantly, he’d read what I’d written. He liked the words.
That became the best relationship I’ve ever had. Outside pressures eventually worked against us, which was painful. Still, the part where we found each other had worked. He’d been interested in what I had to say before we met.
A couple of other men have made the prettier-in-person observation, too. So now I wonder where the line is. Should a profile show your best pictures, or the pictures that give someone the clearest idea of your regular Tuesday face?
I have gray hair, and I don’t dye it. I don’t usually wear makeup. I’m neither ugly nor spectacularly gorgeous. I’m quirky, and I’d like someone who enjoys the actual person attached to the photos.
The silly hat has been reasonably helpful with that.
