When I wonder whether I’d ever want a 24/7 BDSM relationship, the part I get stuck on is surprisingly ordinary: would the everyday rules actually matter to my dominant?
I’m not in that kind of relationship now. This is curiosity, with a fairly specific worry attached. I can imagine agreeing to a dynamic and then discovering that the nonsexual expectations don’t get the same attention as the sexual ones.
Those everyday rules would be important to me. If we’d both chosen them, I’d want to feel that my partner took them seriously. I wouldn’t want them to become the optional part of an arrangement we’d agreed was meaningful.
What I don’t know is how people bring that up in the first place. How do you explain that the ordinary parts are a substantial part of what appeals to you? I’d want a prospective partner to understand that before either of us assumed we wanted the same thing.
There’s another version of the question, too. Suppose we’d already started, and my partner was taking some responsibility for those rules, but the follow-through felt too casual. How would I ask for more consistency? How would I say I wanted them to be stricter within what we’d agreed, without leaving them guessing about what that meant?
It feels awkward even in a hypothetical conversation. I’d be asking someone to take more control while also needing to explain precisely what I wanted from them.
I’m curious how people who actually live this kind of relationship handle that conversation. When you say the nonsexual rules matter just as much to you, how do you find out whether your partner means the same thing?
