She was the one who reached out first. I keep coming back to that, probably more than I should. Before I was wondering whether to send another message, there were texts, calls, and time together. There was a reason I started hoping.
We kissed, too. That doesn’t promise a relationship, but it made what was happening between us feel less like something I had imagined. I wasn’t just admiring her from a distance. We were getting close, and I fell deeply in love with her.
Now she says she isn’t ready for a relationship. I hear what she’s saying. The difficult part is holding that next to everything that came before it. The same person who wanted to talk and spend time with me now feels far away.
There wasn’t one moment I can point to that explains the change. What I notice is the distance. I miss how easy it felt to be in touch without having to wonder whether she wanted to hear from me.
Last night, I sent her a message. She read it, and there’s been no reply. That little bit of information is somehow enough to keep me waiting and nowhere near enough to tell me what’s happening.
I don’t want to pressure her into something she has already said she isn’t ready for. I also don’t want whatever we had to quietly disappear while I’m trying to figure out the right amount of space to give her.
That’s where I am: loving someone, missing the closeness we had, and looking at a message she has already seen. Do I reach out again, or leave the next move to her?
