It took me four years after my marriage ended to feel ready to date again. Then another full year passed without a single date. I’d expected getting ready to be the hard part.
I’m 46, and I live in the capital of the Northern Cape. My ex-wife and I split up five years ago. For most of that time, starting another relationship wasn’t something I felt able to do. There was no point pretending otherwise.
Eventually, that changed. I got to a place where meeting somebody sounded possible again. I could imagine getting back out there, having a date, seeing whether we liked each other. Nothing especially ambitious. Just a beginning.
A year later, I’m still waiting for that beginning.
Some of the usual ways people meet don’t feature much in my life. I don’t drink, so I rarely go to pubs. I don’t really use dating apps, either. Put those two things together, and I can see that I’m missing places where other people might find a connection. Knowing that hasn’t made it obvious where I should go instead.
What surprises me is the distance between being open to meeting someone and actually meeting someone. I spent years getting to the first point. Now I’ve spent a year there, with no date to show for it.
I’m not expecting a relationship to appear just because I finally feel ready. But I would like the chance to sit down with someone and find out whether there’s anything between us.
For those who started dating again without spending much time in pubs or on apps, where did that first date begin?
