I’ve never dated anyone or been in a relationship. This means I can identify a man I find attractive with no difficulty whatsoever, then have absolutely no idea what to do with that information.
So far, my preferred approach has been admiring him from a distance. It is discreet, requires no introduction, and has an excellent record of producing nothing.
Growing up, I came from a culture where women approaching men wasn’t exactly forbidden. It just wasn’t openly encouraged. In my experience, making the first move came with a faint sense of embarrassment or shame, as though expressing interest was something you should be slightly sorry to have done.
Now that I’m older, I can see how much that has shaped me. I want to talk to someone, but before I’ve said anything, I’m already worried about how it will come across. Will he feel uncomfortable? Will he think it’s weird that a woman he’s never spoken to has approached him because she finds him attractive?
I don’t have a particular type, either. There’s no useful pattern among the men I’ve liked that might help me feel prepared. Sometimes I’m attracted to someone, and that’s all I know. Unfortunately, attraction does not arrive with an opening line attached.
I’m curious about how this feels from the other side. If a woman you’d never met came over and started talking to you, would you welcome it? Would knowing she was interested make the conversation easier, or put you on the spot?
I’d also like to know what actually sounds natural. There must be some space between silently admiring someone and making an introduction feel like a major announcement. I suspect other people visit that space regularly.
I want to get out of my comfort zone, even if I’m shy and have no experience to draw on. I don’t want embarrassment to keep deciding that every opportunity should pass.
So, men: what would make that first conversation comfortable for you? If I came over because I thought you were attractive, how would you want me to begin?
