I’m 23, and I’d really like to date. That part is easy to say. The harder part is picturing myself asking out someone I barely know and feeling comfortable enough to actually do it.
I’ve dealt with anxiety and overthinking for pretty much my whole life. I’m working on myself and making progress, but that doesn’t mean every situation suddenly feels simple. Dating involves enough uncertainty that my mind can find plenty to do before anything has even happened.
I’m lucky with my friends. They know me well, they mess with me a lot, and they support me. Recently, they even tried to set me up with someone. At the time, I didn’t feel ready, so I didn’t take them up on it.
Now I’m wondering what my options are. I’m not sure whether my friends could still arrange something, and when I think about meeting someone another way, I keep coming back to the same preference: I’d like to know her first.
I don’t mean we need years of friendship behind us. A couple of months would be nice. Enough time to have ordinary conversations and become familiar with each other before I ask whether she’d like to go on a date.
The idea of going out with a woman I don’t know just feels strange to me. I can understand that getting acquainted is part of the date. I’m still more comfortable imagining that acquaintance already being there, with a friendship starting to form.
What worries me is whether that leaves me with too few chances. I want to date, but the way I’d feel comfortable beginning seems to require time before there’s even a first date to consider.
My friends have already shown they’re willing to help. I’m trying to get to a point where I can accept that help—or ask someone myself. Is wanting a couple of months to know her really such a difficult starting point?
