My boyfriend and I recently reached two years together, and we’re planning for him to move in. We’re discussing our future. Meanwhile, I’ve started getting irritated by his breathing, which is an inconvenient development in a relationship with a living person.
It’s a particular routine: he breathes in, holds it, then exhales loudly. I realize this is a small thing. I would love for that realization to make it quieter.
Some days, though, the breathing is barely the opening act. I work as a daycare teacher, and after work I’m exhausted. I come home and ask for some quiet. He’ll keep talking for another thirty minutes, until I reach the point where I shut down. By then, I don’t have much conversation left to contribute.
Then come the questions. What’s for dinner? What are we doing today? There’s always something for me to decide. I would love one day when I could sit down, do absolutely nothing, and have him handle it all without requiring instructions from management.
He also copies words and phrases I use in a high-pitched voice. It was funny at first. I laughed. I understand how that could have been interpreted as permission to renew the program indefinitely. Lately, though, hearing my own words returned to me in that voice has stopped being entertaining.
Today, he’s complained five separate times that I got him sick. “This is your fault.” “I blame you.” Yes, I work at a daycare. Apparently, this makes me personally responsible for the chain of transmission, and the investigation requires regular verbal updates.
None of these things sounds enormous on its own. That’s partly why I keep trying to get over them. I know how it sounds to be planning a future with someone while privately wishing he would stop doing a very specific exhale.
But trying hasn’t made the irritation go away. We’re still planning his move, and I’m still getting stuck on these habits. I’d like to feel excited about sharing more of our everyday life. Right now, I’d also like thirty minutes of quiet without having to ask twice.
