I’m 46, about to turn 47, single, and recently on dating apps. I’ve met a few men. They were—let’s go with fine. Fine is a useful word. It keeps things moving.
What I wasn’t prepared for was the photography.
We move from the app to texting, and somewhere in that transition, a man over 40 decides the next logical step is a shirtless picture with his tongue sticking out. There he is. There’s the tongue. Whatever attraction I had is suddenly unavailable.
This hasn’t happened just once. If it had, I could regard it as one man’s personal artistic decision and carry on. But there have been multiple pictures. Enough that I’m starting to wonder whether I missed an announcement.
Who told these men this was the pose? Was there a meeting? Did everyone agree that a bare chest needed the additional support of a tongue?
I should mention that I have never sent any of them a picture of myself sticking my tongue out. This is not a theme I introduced. I haven’t opened an exchange of tongue portraits and then become difficult about the submissions.
And I know what the pictures are presumably meant to accomplish. They’re supposed to be playful, attractive, maybe a little daring. I can recognize the intended destination. I just cannot explain how we ended up here.
For me, the effect is immediate. A man I was at least willing to keep talking to sends one of these photos, and I find him ridiculous. I don’t have to debate it or examine my response from several angles. The photo has already done enough work.
I’m not asking for professional headshots. I’m asking why sticking out a tongue has become part of the presentation. These are grown men trying to interest a grown woman, and somehow we’ve landed on a facial expression that makes me want to put my phone down.
Am I alone in this? Are other women delighted when these pictures arrive? Because I’m approaching 47, and I would happily enter the next year of my life without another installment.
