When my husband told me a woman at work had confessed her feelings for him, I wanted to know exactly what she had said. He had already turned her down. Still, I needed more than the short version of a conversation that suddenly made his working week feel different to me.
She had acknowledged that he was married and loved his wife. She was married too, she told him, but unhappy. She knew telling him was wrong, yet wanted him to know how she felt. As he described it, this wasn't a misunderstanding about whether he was available. She knew about me before she said anything.
His answer was clear: he was sorry she was unhappy, but he loved his wife and was happily married. He didn't describe our marriage as complicated or suggest that she had caught him at the wrong time. From what he told me, he gave her no reason to expect anything romantic between them.
That matters to me. We've been together for eleven years, and he has never cheated on me. I trust him with all my heart. I don't want to take something he chose to tell me and treat it as evidence against him. He was the one who brought this conversation into the open; I wasn't uncovering a secret he had kept.
What I can't stop thinking about is Monday through Friday. They work in the same place. His refusal didn't mean they would never see each other again. I know what he said to her, but I don't know what it will be like for them to keep sharing a workplace afterward. That's the part of the situation I can't see.
Then there are the comments he says she makes about what he drinks or eats. If she thinks something is unhealthy, she gets upset and tells him he shouldn't have it. Before knowing about her feelings, I might have heard that differently. Now I find myself wondering how much personal concern sits behind those ordinary remarks. The comments don't establish that anything is happening between them. They do make it harder for me to put her confession out of my mind.
Her unhappiness in her own marriage is hers to explain. I only have what my husband told me, and I don't know what she expected him to do with that information. I do know she brought her feelings to a man she knew was married and loved his wife. Hearing that leaves me unsettled, even with his answer beside it.
I want to hear from someone who has been in this position: trusting a husband while knowing a woman he sees at work wants more. I'm feeling low and insecure, and I don't yet know what to do with that feeling. He has said he loves me. They still work together. I'm trying to live with both facts.
