My husband started a new job, and on his first day an older woman told him he was handsome. On the second day, he found out that a woman he knows works one office away. Those are the two things that have me feeling unexpectedly insecure.
Written down, they don’t look like much. Someone gave him a compliment. Someone he already knew happens to work nearby. There’s no secret relationship in this story, no suspicious behavior I’ve discovered. That’s part of why I’m having such a hard time understanding my reaction.
We’ve been married for 12 years, and we dated for five years before that. In all that time, he’s never done anything to make me feel insecure. He goes to work, comes home, and gives his time and energy to our family. I know that about him. Nothing about these first two days changes the years we’ve had together.
And yet I’ve been crying over it.
I’m a stay-at-home mom, and I also work from home. My work and family life happen in the same place. His new job has brought him into a different setting, with people I don’t know, and apparently I’m having more feelings about that than I expected. I can see the difference in our days without knowing whether it explains what’s happening to me.
I don’t think a woman calling him handsome should be enough to shake me this much. I’m married to him; I happen to agree with her. But knowing a reaction feels bigger than the situation doesn’t make the feeling disappear. It mostly leaves me upset and then frustrated with myself for being upset.
I want to get past this. I don’t want to keep crying over ordinary details from a job he’s only just started, especially when he’s given me no reason to doubt him. We have 17 years together, and I still trust the man I know. Why am I suddenly feeling so unsure of myself?
