I mentioned one of my favorite podcasts to a man I’d been dating, and he did more than remember its name. He looked up which episode would be a good place to start, then actually started listening. It was a small thing. About a month into getting to know him, small things were what I had to go on—and this one made me want to keep going.
I’m 31, he’s 32, and we’ve had three dates. After those, I had to travel, so we kept talking by text while I was away. Now we’re both sick, which has delayed the fourth date we’re hoping to have. There hasn’t been a dramatic romantic declaration. What has stood out is what happens after I tell him something about myself.
The podcast was Betwixt the Sheets. I hadn’t just mentioned a subject I liked; I’d pointed him toward something I spent time enjoying. He could have left it at a pleasant conversation. Instead, he found his own way into it. The part that got me was the follow-through: my recommendation had a life beyond the moment I made it.
Then there was a show I was planning to see with a friend. He already liked the artist, and after I mentioned it, he decided to go too. When my friend got sick, he and I ended up going together. That became our third date, and it was a great one. An interest I’d shared had turned into something we actually got to enjoy together.
I liked that he wasn’t starting from nowhere just to agree with me. He already had a reason to want to see that artist. There was room for my enthusiasm to meet his, instead of one of us having to manufacture it. At this early stage, finding that overlap felt especially good.
Even being under the weather produced another little example. I mentioned something I usually bring from my home country when I have a cold. We both ended up searching for a local equivalent at the same time. About an hour later, he’d gone out and bought it to try himself. Again, something I’d said had prompted an action, without me asking him to do anything.
On our first date, I’d also told him I liked going to the gym with a friend, though I sometimes have to take breaks. Since then, he seems to have found some motivation to get back to the gym himself. I can’t know exactly how much that conversation had to do with it, but I noticed the timing.
None of these things is a grand gesture, and that’s part of why they’ve made an impression. I feel seen and appreciated when he takes my preferences seriously enough to try something for himself. The things I enjoy don’t disappear from the conversation as soon as we change subjects.
I don’t know where this will go. We’re still at the stage of trying to get a fourth date onto the calendar. But while we wait to stop being sick at the same time, I’m already looking forward to seeing the man who actually listened to the podcast.
