I’m 27, and I’ve been on three dates with a 32-year-old guy I really like. In person, things are easy. We laugh, we’re attracted to each other, and we’ve been intimate. Put a phone in my hand, though, and suddenly I have all the romantic confidence of someone confirming a dentist appointment.
At first he was great at flirting over text. He’d tease me, send pictures, or slip something suggestive into an otherwise normal conversation. I loved getting those messages. Then I’d have to send one back. I’d type something, read it in my own voice, and immediately want to delete it. Every line sounded like it belonged to a woman who knew exactly where to put a wink emoji.
After our second date, he told me he’d thought I wasn’t that interested. I was genuinely surprised. I’d been looking forward to seeing him again, and somehow I’d managed to keep that information mostly to myself. He’s also said he gets the impression I don’t enjoy flirting. From his side of the conversation, I can see how he got that impression.
He still texts every day and asks about my life, but the teasing has mostly given way to nice, sweet, cute, and, most recently in my personal ranking of compliments, wholesome. I know he means it kindly. I’d also like to feel a little more kissable than wholesome suggests. I miss seeing his name pop up and having a pretty good idea I was about to blush.
So if you’re a guy who likes flirting over text, what would you actually be happy to get from a woman you’re dating? A little teasing? A compliment out of nowhere? A plain “I want to kiss you again”? And if you’d been sending flirty messages to someone who mostly smiled at her phone in private, how long would it take before you figured she’d rather talk about her day?
