My boyfriend and I have agreed that we want to explore a dom/sub relationship, with me as the submissive. I’m twenty-two, he’s twenty-five, and we’re both trying to understand what that agreement will look like beyond saying we want it.
I’ve never felt safe enough with anyone before to ask for this. With him, I do. I trust him, and that trust is what made it possible to bring up something I’ve wanted but haven’t known how to share.
I have some ideas about what appeals to me. I like a playful, challenging dynamic—the word “brat” fits—and I’m interested in rope and consensual verbal degradation. Being able to name those interests has helped me explain a little of what I mean when I say I want to be submissive. It still leaves plenty that I don’t know how to explain or put into practice.
My boyfriend doesn’t know much about BDSM. I don’t expect him to arrive with all the answers just because we’ve agreed he’ll take the dominant role. We’re figuring this out together, and I want there to be room for him to discover what he likes, too.
That’s one of the things I’m unsure how to approach. I can tell him some of my interests, but I don’t want the whole relationship to become a list of things I’ve asked him to do. I want to know what draws him in and what he feels comfortable exploring.
We have established safewords using the green, yellow, and red system. That’s one concrete thing we’ve agreed on. After that, we’re both a little lost.
It feels significant to have reached the point where I can ask for this and he can say he’s interested. But we haven’t figured out the beginning yet. How do two people who trust each other take that first step into a dynamic neither of them has experienced together?
