My boyfriend used to show me his phone’s gallery quite openly. There were plenty of pictures of his close female friend—more of her than of me. That might not have bothered me so much if he hadn’t also told me he only kept pictures that were important to him and deleted the rest.
I’m twenty-six, and he’s thirty-four. His friendship with her wasn’t originally a problem for me. They talked a lot and used to meet often, but I wasn’t worried simply because he had a close friend who was a woman.
Gradually, though, the pictures began to feel strange. His explanation of how he chose what to keep stayed with me whenever I saw how many photos of her were still there.
When I brought it up, he got defensive. He said I had it wrong and invited me to go through his phone. I accepted, and what I found made the conversation harder.
The pictures from our first trip together as a couple were no longer in his gallery. He had moved them to a USB drive. Her pictures were still on his phone. He doesn’t even save the photos I send him on WhatsApp, yet he’d taken screenshots of disappearing pictures she’d sent him through Instagram.
He said nothing had ever happened between them. He also said I hadn’t asked him to delete her photos. About mine, his explanation was that he’d transferred them because they meant more to him.
I heard that explanation, but it didn’t make me feel better. Our first trip mattered to me. Finding those pictures gone from the place he’d described as holding the important ones hurt, even if they hadn’t been deleted altogether.
He became very emotional during the argument, and after that I couldn’t say much. The conversation left me sad and confused, with his reassurance on one side and what I’d seen on the other.
I believe he loves me. Right now, I don’t feel wanted, and I can’t seem to find that love in the way he’s explaining this. I still want to know whether we can make it work. What would have to happen for me to feel it again?
