If I told a man on a first date, “You make me nervous,” I’d expect him to hear a slightly flustered admission. Maybe even a compliment. I’m 25, and I don’t think being nervous before a date is particularly unusual. Confident people presumably also have moments when speaking becomes more work than advertised.
I’d mean it as an icebreaker. There we are, talking for the first time, each trying to make a decent impression. Admitting that I’m nervous seems like a way to take some pressure off. Now we can both stop pretending this is as routine as asking where someone keeps the paper towels.
Then I saw a man on Reddit say he’d take that to mean the woman was scared of him.
That hadn’t been the intended message.
I can see how “you make me nervous” puts more emphasis on the other person than “I’m nervous” does. Written out, without a smile or a tone of voice, it leaves some room. Still, in the first-date situation I’m imagining, I’d be talking about butterflies and awkwardness. I wouldn’t be trying to report that I felt unsafe.
The funny part is that I’d say it to make the conversation easier. Instead, apparently, I could leave someone wondering whether he should feel flattered or concerned. A promising start for a sentence meant to clear the air.
I haven’t had this exchange with a date and watched it go wrong. I’m asking because that one comment made me curious about what people hear. If we’re on a first date and I admit you make me nervous, does the context do enough work—or have I just given you something new to be nervous about?
