I'm attracted to masculine women. The part I can't seem to work out is how to let one know that the feminine guy in front of her is interested.
I'm pretty feminine in most ways, apart from how I dress. People regularly assume I'm gay. Meanwhile, the women I'm drawn to are masculine, which leaves a fairly important part of my dating life invisible to anyone going by first impressions.
I know what I like. That isn't the question. I'm less certain about what a woman might see when she looks at me, and whether she would ever read it as a possibility.
Being mistaken for gay doesn't make being gay an insult. It means people are making an assumption about whom I want, and in my case they're getting it wrong. There's a difference between being comfortable with how I am and having that version of me understood by someone I might like to date.
It would be convenient if attraction came with a matching appearance. I could look at a woman, recognize something I liked, and trust that she'd recognize the corresponding interest in me. Instead, I can be fairly clear about my own preference while having no idea whether hers includes a man like me.
Calling a woman masculine doesn't answer that for me. It describes what draws my attention, not whom she dates or what she wants from a man. I can't turn my type into a set of instructions for hers. Even if I met a woman who seemed exactly my type, there would still be a whole person to get to know.
Then there's the part that has less to do with appearances: I hardly ever approach anyone unless I feel led to do it. That feeling rarely comes. So while I'm wondering how to attract the women I like, I'm also relying on something outside me to get an interaction started.
If I'm waiting for an unmistakable opening, and a woman doesn't realize I'm interested in women at all, neither of us would necessarily have a reason to change the conversation. That could happen. It isn't something I can claim has happened with any particular woman.
What makes the usual idea of being more confident feel awkward is that I don't want it to mean becoming a different kind of man. I can imagine being clearer about liking someone. I have a much harder time imagining that the price of being attractive should be acting less feminine.
For now, I still rarely make the first move. I can imagine telling a woman I like that I'm interested. Getting from that thought to being the one who says it is the part I haven't worked out.
