I can tell a man is cute. Apparently, telling him is a separate qualification. I’m 30, I’ve deleted my dating apps, and I’m trying to meet men in person or through social media. The part I’m stuck on is what to put in a first message. A sentence. I’m being held up by a sentence.
I’ve found men on social media who are reasonably local and attractive to me. We follow each other, so this isn’t quite a cold approach to someone who has no idea I exist. There’s a little recognition already. What there isn’t, as far as I know, is an agreed meaning for that recognition.
A follow is a wonderfully convenient amount of interest. It could mean he thinks I’m cute, or that something on my profile caught his attention. I can’t read romantic intent into it just because I’d find that useful. Still, following each other gives me an opening. It just doesn’t provide the opening line.
On a dating app, the reason for being there is at least broadly established. We might want different things, but nobody has to explain why a stranger is asking whether we’re single. Social media has other business to attend to. I would be introducing the possibility of a date into a space where he may simply be looking at his phone.
The message I’m considering is essentially: you came up in my feed, I thought you were cute, and I decided to shoot my shot. It says what happened and why I’m there. It also makes me wonder whether I can use the phrase “shoot my shot” without feeling like I’ve announced a sporting event.
There’s nothing especially outrageous about telling a man he’s attractive. If he’s interested, it gives him something clear to respond to. If he isn’t, a better arrangement of words won’t necessarily change that. The difficult part is that I’d be making my interest visible before knowing what he plans to do with it.
I could keep the message casual and ask about something he’s posted, if there’s something I actually want to ask. That might start a conversation without making attraction the whole introduction. A plain hello would ask even less of me, though it would leave him to work out why I’d appeared. The direct version is more exposed, but at least neither of us would need to investigate my purpose.
What I want to know is how a man would receive it: whether the straightforward compliment would be welcome, and whether the wording would sound playful or corny. I can imagine being pleased to get that message. I can also imagine writing it and suddenly developing strong editorial objections to every word.
For now, the proposed line includes “here I am.” That part is slightly ahead of events.
